I see you and support you.

I see you and support you.

If you are like me and my hyper-logical friends, this statement looks weird. What do you mean by support them? What if they have stupid or wrong beliefs? What if they are doing the exact things that are causing their own issues.

Short answer: You see them as a human being, here in the Buddhist Friend Project, trying to get some safety via goodwill. And you support them with goodwill, a wish that they ultimately get more ease and happiness and wisdom. Your "support" of their being a fellow human doesn't mean you are condoning (or disagreeing) with their action.

It's not about you.

It's not about you. You are just giving them goodwill. That is the support. As a fellow human, you are standing far, far away from them (via the internet) but saying, "I'm rooting for you for things to go well for you."

It's also not about your opinion of what they are doing. Half the time, they already have heard your opinion and it didn't help them. For some reason, they are having a hard time. Imagine for a moment that you had a lot more difficulties... the type you see in the newspaper and the movies. I wouldn't be the person I am today. And with that other mind and mental skillset, I make the big, humble confession: "I could just as easily be in that person's position if I had their situation."

Not being seen and not being supported

If you have had a good life so far, imagine that all your friends went away or left you and that other people were constantly telling you better ways to live your life without knowing your circumstances. Instead of having goodwill for you, you can tell that people look at your misfortunes and like to blame you for them. They start rationalizing their low opinion of you. You don't work out enough. You need to just "calm down". You have all these allergies because you don't eat right, and you sneeze too much during movies. They think you waste your money.

Even if this is all true, it's not at all helpful because it makes people feel unsafe. And unsafe people are emotionally beseiged with "if only" thinking, chasing happiness in weird, unproductive ways.

Well, social media and advertising is doing a lot of this. You need to be skinnier. Have better skin. Throw away those old clothes. Spend more money. But also save it. Your future is doomed. Terrorists will hurt you unless you download this app and buy this product. There is not much "seeing" or "supporting". 

So Buddhist Friendship takes a different approach. We simply listen and then say, "We see you and support you."

What about revenge and karma?

What if you don't want to see someone and support them. What if Hitler comes back to life, logs on, and says, "I'm having a really hard time at work".

Wouldn't it then be right to say, "I don't see you as you are! I don't support you at all!"

Well, this is the difference between feelings/goodwill and actions. On a feelings level and goodwill level, we would, even for Hitler, try to see them as a person. And, we aren't supporting Hitler's action. We can say, "I'm rooting for you for things to go well for you." The reason we can is because we do want them to be happy and have ease, as a fellow person. We know how much it sucks to be angry. If you want, silently whisper to yourself, "But I'm horrified by your actions and wish you would stop."

It's important... you're not the judge who gets to bless or condemn anyone. So, you opposing a person's actions might feel good, but unless you are a cop or someone they listen to, you will have no effect on them. It's a waste of your time and, you'll be limiting your "goodwill muscles". So, revenge is not your job.

Second, karma handles itself. It doesn't need your help for the 10-30 minutes involved.

In real life, you do need to intervene in actions.

But here in their Buddhist Friendship Project, we focus on developing your heart of goodwill for all. It's via the internet, so you are physically safe. So use this unique tool for developing friendship muscles, not revenge/judgment muscles.